1.) Insist that you are to be referred to as "empress" and your friend's name is "Yuffie".
2.) Be like the Fonz- call him "Mr. C". Even if his last name begins with another letter of the alphabet.
3.) Don't let a day go by without mentioning disgruntled peasants.
4.) Correct his spelling, and point out inconsistancies in his capitalization.
5.) Inform the school board he is trying to convert you to Taoism.
6.) Invent several alternate ways to pronounce his name... Kerpapalo or Crappola work extremely well.
7.) Shout out the correct answers during class.
8.) Refer to him as "sir" when applicable.
9.) Burst out in maniacal laughter randomly during class.
10.) Wave your hand frantically when he asks a question- even if you don't know the answer.
11.) Introduce him to your invisible friend Bob.
12.) Sing the sheep song.
13.) Mention the Heisenburg uncertainty priciple as often as possible. Hell, mention it whenever something graded is passed out.
14.) The more he repeats stuff, the less time you have to learn something new.
15.) Remember- making feeble attempts to flirt wastes time.
16.) Grill him for information on his personal life.
17.) Never turn in your homework.
18.) Remind him that everyone in the room is a figment of your imagination.
19.) Insist that the men in the white coats are already there.
20.) Refer to your plans to take over the world when explaining anything about Communists.
21.) Squint while reading his handwriting.
22.) Mention Catherine the Greats little ::ahem:: fetish to the squeamish girl doing a report on her.
23.) Come to class claiming you are your identical cousin Anne, and that you are home sick for the day.
24.) Whenever your friend is absent, mutter something about the mothership.
25.) Go to the restaruant he works at and bother him on the job.
26.) Answer every question with "how else was I supposed to get the hamster out?". If by some fluke of probability, the answer is "how else was I supposed to get the hamster out?", repeat after me: the aunt of my father has no heel.
27.) Debate the best way to take over the world... during class.
28.) Point out that every thing he wears clashes.
29.) Complain when he shaves off his goatee.
30.) Do not pay attention while watching a video on Japan. Instead, try to translate the Japanese you hear in the background.
31.) Convince him to let you watch anime as part of cultural studies.
32.) Three words: sit in front.
33.) Throw a pen at him accidentally. Brag about if for weeks.
34.) Phrase all your answers in the form of a question.
35.) Sing your questions... in Spanish.
36.) Ask him not to give you homework because you need to finish your tax return.
37.) Bash your classmates with a textbook.
38.) Laugh when someone says something stupid.
39.) Try to get him to tell everyone if your math teacher really is gay.
40.) Show him that you have nine fingers... one, two, three, bleam, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
41.) No matter how many times he says it, tell him he's pronouncing your name wrong.
42.) Ask "would you like some toast? A scone, a bagel, a crumpet? Maybe a roll, french bread..."
43.) While talking about Communism, "accidentally" inform your class of J. Edgar Hoover's love for crossdressing.
44.) Create a fun paper hat out of the handout he just passed out. Refuse to take it off.
45.) Write "die" on the backs of all your papers. Dot your i's with little hearts.
46.) Refuse to speak English.
47.) Lecture him on why the entire class should already know where Swaziland is, since you do.
48.) Shout out that your older brother is a lesbian.
49.) Write on the chalkboard that your AOL stalker is the world's only hamguin.
50.) Discuss the top five best ways to commit suicide with your friend during a lesson on the Russian Revolution.
51.) Tell him you know about the conspiracy between Bill Gates, the Typo Demon, some guy on a payphone in Jacksonville, Stu Levy, himself, the crossdresser on a cell phone in the bathroom of a shoprite, and the disgruntled Mexican peasantry and their puppet of doom.
52.) Have your brother pick you up for all your doctor's appointments during class... wearing his kilt.
53.) Jello- it's not just for the cafeteria anymore.
54.) Offer to demonstrate some Japanese martial arts techniques... then slice the desk in half with a lovely looking sword
55.) Be unique- paint "Ask me about what I have written on my forehead" on your forehead.
56.) It all goes back to anime... or at least all your rants in class do.
57.) Instead of writing your essay on Communism, write about how Karl Marx is the lost Marx brother.
58.) Chew gum.
59.) Taunt him when he doesn't have his coffee.
60.) Pay the people in the office to make afternoon announcements during his class.
61.) Offer unique insights to all historical tragedy- the warlords were being paid by you, and the end is near. Flee to the arctic while you still can, and above all: don't question Robin on anything, because she is always right.
62.) Whap him over the head with a large stuffed bunny.
63.) Giggle like a chipmunk during class.
64.) Mention the corrolation between your friend, bananas, and romance novels.
65.) Use his class as a launching point for your new cult.
66.) Insist that you'll be okay when the euphoria wears off.
67.) Repeat your statements over again.
68.) Repeat your statements over again.
69.) Loudly explain to the foreign exchange student next to you what this number means.
70.) Long reports are short, short reports are long.
71.) Ask him if he has your quiz graded five minutes after you handed it in.
72.) Claim that he is not the real student teacher. Stand before the class, and explain that the real student teacher is being held hostage in a basement in Boise, while we have an escaped mental patient teaching our class.
73.) Ask him if your real teacher dyes her hair.
74.) Tell him which pokemon he reminds you of. (okay, so there is ONE anime reference here!)
75.) Complain about him being an autocrat.
76.) Sue when he doesn't give you as many paperclips as your neighbor.
77.) Argue that the term "benevolent despot" is an oxymorn.
78.) MST all videos.
79.) Instead of raising your hand, get up from your desk, run back and slap the idiot behind you, sit back down, and raise a foot.
80.) Set him up with one of your friend's cats.
81.) Confuse him further by allowing the Chinese girl in your class who really aint all that bright to correct his pronounciation of every Chinese name in the text book.
82.) Repeat process with multiple Indian students.
83.) Try to get him to lip sync to Bohemian Rhapsody like in Wayne's World
84.) Speak in rhyme. All the time.
85.) Accuse him of being responsible for the deaths of those sweet Heaven's Gate cult members you met on the Internet.
86.) ::clears throat:: Write all your papers with RP stuff in them ::ends sentence, begins next entry::
87.) Look confused for a second, and asked what happened to your harem.
88.) Spell out fun messages with your calculator (0.7734 is hello)
89.) Insult his taste in movies.
90.) When he gives you work time, draw pictures of rabid wombats assaulting a man with one leg.
91.) Ask if he's related to the TD.
92.) Class time is perfect for showing everyone your drawings of little pirates saying "arg!"
93.) Shave the sleeping kid's head next to you, and tell him you're looking for a 666.
94.) Instruct all your packages to be sent to his classroom.
95.) Tell him your psychiatrist says it's pyschologically damaging to get more than 2 minutes of homework per month.
96.) Stare at his face intently, and then ask if he was on one of those Discovery Channel specials about transsexuals.
97.) Vow to never rest until you see that all the files on his hard drive are erased.
98.) Repeatedly remind him that the millennium begins in the year 2001, not the year 2000.
99.) Insist that the current year is actually 2003, because the guys who made the calendar were off by four years. Demand an elaborate graduation ceremony.
100.) End all your sentences with "right".
101.) Act like Robin.
If any of these work, you won't be seeing your student teacher in a classroom anytime soon.
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