why am i so mad

why am i so mad,
why does it still hurt so bad,
how can i be so angry and hurt at the same time,
how come i cant have your heart but you still have mine,
when will the pain stop when will i no longer care,
when am i gonna wake up and realize youll never again be there,
when will i stop hurting myself thinking about you,
dreaming these dreams that will never come true,
i guess your wondering what im talking about right,
this rambling and ranting over some stupid guy,
see there was a time when i was getting married,
and this weight on my shoulders he once carried,
everything was great, then three days before our wedding,
i found out i was pregnant and he said he wasnt ready,
he said to get an abortion or he would call the wedding off,
so i lifted my head and thought "hell thats your loss"
that was the last time i saw him to this very day,
he threatened my baby and i moved away,
now im engaged to be married again,
ironically the guy used to be his best friend,
its been three years, now my daughter is two,
you stilldont acknowledge her even though shes the spitting image of you,
i try to carry on and just forget you were ever in my life,
let you just carry on and be happy with your new wife,
pretend that i dont care but i do,
why the hell cant i just forget about you,
you cant hurt me if i dont let you get the chance,
you said no one would ever love me, they 'd just want in my pants,
why am i so angry it just gives you some ground,
your still hurting me inside and your not even around,
how can i be so stupid, to even think of you,
why do i still wonder what you do,
i feel so dumb i check your myspace page all the time,
and hope you read the stuff about my daughter on mine,
but i bet you dont even take the time of day,
i bet you probably dont care anyway
you know what hurts the most is today i looked at your page,
and saw that you and your new wife have a new baby on the way,
i wonder if you'll run from her the way you did with me,
run like some coward, like we have the prego disease,
i want to let go of this anger let go of this rage,
i wish you'd just delete your stupid myspace page,
congratulations dad better get on some running shoes,
make a fast getaway, cause thats what deadbeat dads do,
leave her pregnant and lonely the way you did me,
a single mom in college with two jobs and a new baby,
no child support because i didnt need your money,
my days were dark and cloudy and yours were nice and sunny,
you missed so much with her, and so i pity you,
and all along i thought you were my dream come true,
til the day i met my daughter and you werent there with me,
i thought about how sad and pitiful your life must be,
she's never seen your face and i pray she never will,
i have so many thoughts no words can express what i feel,
so go about your day and dont let us cross your mind,
cause when you get tired of running, we wont be at the finish line.